I will tell you most days I am just try to stay afloat. I am simply trying to keep it all together, to not lose it again and again. I am trying to do the best I can. This has been exceptionally difficult these several days because it has been freezing. We are ready for spring. We need to be able to venture outside, walk to the playground, write with chalk, run around in the sun and simply get out of the HOUSE!
Today was a tough day. It was a tough night. McKenzie and McKayla were not on their best behavior (they cried A LOT and that is very hard on me). Who am I kidding they are rarely on their best behavior. Days are rarely easy and that breaks my heart. Motherhood is one of the things in my life that has always come easy to me. A mom is what I am born to be. But ever since having our twins things have not come as easily for me. I have to work very hard to be the mom I want to be and to be honest with you I fail at that a lot. Which makes me very sad; I cry A LOT and tonight was no exception. The most difficult thing for me is when I am not perfect. I know I hate that word; no one is perfect. Nothing is perfect, but I am someone who always strives for perfection. I know it is unrealistic and so wrong, but I my girls deserve a perfect mama. I love my girls more then anything in the world and I would do anything for them. I think the best thing I can do for them is to drop the need to be perfect.
I am not writing this for sympathy I am simply writing this to show we all have bad days. We are all just trying to do the best we can and sometimes we fall short.
Tonight McKayla took an hour to fall asleep and she wouldn’t let me leave the room (she would scream and when McKayla screams its earth shattering). I was getting frustrated; I just wanted her to go to sleep (McKayla is our child who has a very difficult time falling asleep). By the time I left her room I was more upset with myself for not being able to stay calm, not being able to enjoy spending time with my baby, not being able to let her take her time. I will tell you I learn from everything and I will learn from tonight and tomorrow night I will love on her and I will help her fall asleep easier. I will be the mama she needs at that time.
Tomorrow is a new day. I am ready to wake up and enjoy my girls. They truly are my everything.
I wanted to share this with you today because I get a ton of emails asking me how I keep it all together; how I have it all together. Well, I don’t. But at the end of the day when I typically sit down to write this all four of my girls are peacefully sleeping so I usually try to reflect on all the good things that happened during our day. This is the time of the day when this mama is calm and at peace.
Hug!!! You sound like such a loving and wonderful mom. It is SO hard to be relaxed and patient when you’re up all day, running around making sure the kids, husband, house etc are being cared for! It is very tiring! Hope you have a better day tomorrow!
Thank you. That hug was definitely needed. Yes, by the end of the day I am done. Thank you for all your kind words. 🙂
Hi, I’ve been reading your blog for a while and this my first comment :). I found your blog about a year ago when I became pregnant with my twins and didn’t know how I was going to do it. I ended up on your blog and found out that you and I have very much in common. We’re the same age, had two older children ( mine are 5 and 2) and then had twins (mine are identical twins girls too). We’re both Christians and like to eat healthy and workout. And I have to tell you that I read your blog like a novel because you have this wonderful positive attitude and it really encouraged me when I was petrified of having 4 kids under 5. Your blog became a peek into my future :). Anyway, just wanted to let you know that I think the relationship you strive to have with your kids is awesome and your sunny attitude reminds me to be more positive with my own children. My twins are 3 months today and I also had a very rough day(stupid winter). I wish you a better tomorrow. And thank God we get another day to do it better because I lost my patience way too much today!
Oh my goodness we have so much in common. I am so glad my blog has been helpful; this is one of the reasons I write these posts. I try my hardest to stay positive as you know it’s not always easy. Yes, this winter needs to end NOW!! I am sorry you had a rough day. Boy do I remember the days when McKenzie and McKayla were 3 months old. Oh my!! I hate when I lose my patience; I feel guilty for days. Yes, a new day is truly blessing. Here’s to always looking on the bright side and knowing life’s a blessing.
Thanks for being real. I have a 3 year old son and twin daughters that are 18 months. I feel like this a lot. Hugs to you and keep trying to be your best.
You are welcome. I know motherhood is not easy and we all need to support and encourage each other; that’s what I love about all of you, my readers. 🙂 Thank you.
you are doing a great job! you have inspired me to try to workout regularly in my home with videos. i have a 7, 5, and 3 year old and 18 month old twins and right now all are sleeping except for my boy twin who has such a hard time going to sleep. you are not alone – its so easy to get frustrated especially when they should be sleeping! =)
thanks for all your encouragement at loving your kiddos!
Oh my goodness, you certainly have a full house, but also a full heart. 🙂 Yes, the sleep thing is not easy, especially with twins. Getting frustrated is the worst; mom guilt hits me every time. I am so glad we can encourage each other.
Hang in there momma! We are having quite the time here too! My twins are almost 2 and my girl twin has been soooo clingy lately and screams and pulls at my legs until I pick her up, which then makes my boy want to be picked up too. It is very draining not being able to prepare meals. I get frustrated very often. I always feel so guilty but it’s difficult to run a house and not be able to do anything until I have a toddler (sometimes two!) attached to me. This winter has been way to long. The -25 temp has been a regular thing around here for months! I am slowly going crazy….
The clinginess is so hard and the screaming is the worst. I am right there with you. YES, holding one of my girls always makes the other one want to be held too and you can’t get anything done with a baby in both hands. 🙂 Wow, you know exactly how our days go and how I feel each and every day. We really do need spring. I will be thinking about you as we go about our crazy day around here and I hope your days get easier. 🙂 xoxo
Amen! No one is perfect and we all have bad days! But then there are good days, too, which keep us going. The key here is that you always strive to be the best mama. I hope the next day is a little better for you!
The good moments and days are the reason we keep going each and every day. Thank you. 🙂
Thanks so much for sharing this! It’s nice to hear other people are having rough days too! Sometimes I think people don’t share the rough days and then u feel like ur the only one! My almost 18 mnth old must be going through the 18 mnth sleep regression over here and it makes for tough days and nights —-and yet they are so worth all the trouble aren’t they?! I think God made them super cute so we can’t stay flustered very long! Remember your human and I’m sure you did your best! Being a mom is by far the toughest job ever and ur doing a wonderful job from the look/sound of it from your blog—-just look at ur 4 amazing girls. You are only human and are putting to much pressure on urself. Ur an awesome mom!
On a side note…..could summer hurry up and come?!
This is why I try to write what’s real. I never want any mom to feel alone; parenthood is the most difficult job there is and we all need love and encouragement. Oh, sleep regression is the worst. It’s so hard going from wonderful sleep to no sleep. Thank you, I really do try to be the best mom to my girls. 🙂
Yes, we need summer, pool days, the beach, etc.
Hi Renee
I read your blog all the way from South Wales in the United Kingdom, I can’t thank you enough for your blogs, you would not believe the amount they have helped me through my pregnancy with Identical Twin Girls (who are now 9 months old) and beyond! I have a 5 year old son also! I came across your blog whilst pregnant with my daughters and worried about TTTS and it has helped me through the remainder of my pregnancy. I had to comment on this post all though I haven’t before, I just want to send you all the love in the world and tell you what a Wonderful Mamma you are! We all have our up and down days and come out the other side! Your beautiful daughters are a true representation of the Mamma you are! You should be very Proud of yourself! Take the good days with the bad and sit back and realise how awesome you actually are!! You have helped myself and many others thousands of times over!!
Lots Of Love
Jody xxx
I am so glad you enjoy reading my blog and it truly makes my day to know it has helped you through your pregnancy. Having twins is such a rollercoaster and I am happy I could be here for you. Thank you for your kind and caring words. I love that we can have such a connection from so far away. I love that motherhood can bring so many women together; it is a beautiful thing. 🙂
We have all been there! My little girl who just turned a year is still waking up once (sometimes twice) a night to nurse and I am so tired. My son was a solid sleeper very early on and rarely woke up in the middle of the night, so it’s hard this time around.
Don’t be so hard on yourself. We have all been there and we ALL have rough days. You are a wonderful mother to your four beautiful girls and they know it!