I want to start by saying I am in no way the perfect mother, but I will always continue to wake up everyday and try to be better than I was the day before. I made a promise to myself to always learn from my mistakes and my victories throughout my journey as a mom. I certainly have learned a lot since Sophia was born just over 11 years ago.
This too shall pass. Everything is simply a phase. This way of thinking has helped me get through many days and nights (sleepless nights in that case). There will be moments when you cannot wait for them to pass and some will go by way too quickly. Unfortunately, some of the most difficult moments will feel as though they may never end. Remember you will get through it, you are stronger than you think and you are their mama. Deep breathes also help get through those tough moments.
Ignore as much as you can. Yes, I know this one sounds a little tricky, but it works. As a mom you are going to encounter numerous amounts of chaos and destruction, but if you focus on each and every difficult moment you will lose your mind time and time again. Try to let the little things go and simply focus on what matters. Try to enjoy your children as much as you can and let go of what you cannot control.
Leave the drama to your kids (and hubby). This is one I adopted in order to keep some form of peace in my house. Having four daughters and a dramatic hubby, I quickly learned I need to stay as drama free as possible. I try my best to simply give in when not important and to just let life happen. My best advice is to only stand tough when needed otherwise just laugh along with the craziness.
Watch what you say and how you say it. This goes for everyone in the house, but especially me. I know my girls learn best through watching what I say and do. I know that I am their best example, not only in my words and actions, but in my tone of voice as well. They seriously, try to be just like me and I know I need to make sure I am acting in the best way possible. Also, remember our children are always listening even when we don’t think they are, so be careful with your words.
Try to find the good in everything. This affects everyone. The best thing we can do, as parents, is to try to find the positive spin on just about everything in life. This will help our children learn see the best in every situation too. We as parents, set the tone for each and every day, event and life happening.
Don’t help too much. Don’t jump in too quickly. Our children need to learn how to do things on their own, even if that means they may mess up from time to time. We as parents need to be there to support them or pick them back up, but we also need to let them make their own mistakes, make their own choices. Our children learn best through experiences.
Set certain expectations in stone and start when they’re young. I cannot emphasize this one enough. Let your children know the things that matter most to you in terms of right from wrong. Focus on not giving our children too many rules to remember, save this to the important things. For two reasons let your children know what is non-negotiable and remember they learn most of their life lessons before the age of five.
Keep track of things you always want to remember. This is a big one too, life goes fast and before you know it your children will be grown up and you will not remember what it was like when they were little. So, take the time to write things down.
Cut yourself some slack. And don’t forget to cut other moms some slack too. All moms have to do what’s best for them and their family and it will be different for all of us. Judging another mom is just wrong on so many levels and judging someone only makes the one doing the judge feel bad in the end. Remember everyone is doing the best they can.
Don’t fear tears. Temper tantrums or “moments” as we call them in our house are completely normal and will happen from time to time. Some kids have them more than others, hey some adults have them more than others. Let them be, let them have those moments to breakdown and let it all out. We all have tough moments, days or weeks. We have to remember to give our children some slack, they have good days and bad just the same as us adults. We as mothers, as parents need to let the idea of perfection go and we will all be much better off. There are no perfect adults and no perfect children. It’s okay to be sad, mad and frustrated. I tell my girls this all the time, I want my girls to feel safe and comfortable with their emotions.
You can only make the best decision at the time with the information you have at hand. Don’t beat yourself up for making a wrong choice and remember you have to make the best decision for you and your family. The decisions you make for your family may upset people along the way, but know in your heart you are doing what’s right for you and your family. Be strong. Once you make a decision commit to it, don’t waiver, children can sense uncertainty. If children feel any sense of a maybe you it’s all over.
Remember all children are different. Don’t try to change your child(ren). We need learn to parent each child individually. No two children are the same, even twins have different wants, needs and personalities. The best thing we can do for them and us is to allow them to be their own people, allow them to be themselves. Never try to make our children someone they are not, accept who they are and love them for that. All children have their strengths and weaknesses, help your child find their best qualities and help them thrive.
One thing that has always stuck with me throughout the years is to know that you may get upset and you may yell at your kids, that’s okay we are all human. Move on, apologize, make up and move on. Remember, if you aren’t yelling at your kids at some time or another you are probably not with them enough. We all do it, especially now during Covid-19. Close quarters call for many emotions. Also remind yourself you need a break, give yourself some alone time.
Choose your battles. Pick what matters and go with it.