I want to start by saying being a parent is the most difficult job in the world, being perfect is not the goal. Simply trying our best and being there for our children is all they need. They just need you!
I get asked numerous questions about how I stay so calm. First of all, I am not always calm. We all have our moments, but I really do try. I try to bring peace into my the lives of my family and friends. I never want to cause stress for my loved ones. With that said let’s chat.
Before getting started I want to say I am by no means the perfect parent, most days I still don’t know what I am doing, but I give it my all and we go from there. However, I have learned a few things throughout these past 10 years, today I wanted to share something that is near and dear to my heart. There is so much we can learn from each other, remember we are not alone in this journey of parenthood.
I still don’t know what I am doing, but they are all alive. Happy? That’s debatable.
Peaceful, Positive Parenting
This term can have a different meaning to everyone. To me, peaceful parenting is simply trying to help our children see the good in life, see the good in the everyday simple things. Positive parenting is being the light in our children’s lives. As their parents, we should never be the one’s to cause them angst, we should be their safe haven, their go to when times get tough.
We should be their constant. We should be there safe place.
Simply Ways to Practice Peaceful, Positive Parenting
- Love your children even when it’s difficult. Yes, there are going to be moments when you don’t really like your children’s choices, but always remind them that no matter what you will always love them. I tell my girls every day that no matter what they do I will always be here for them and I will never let them down. When trouble rises I will be there to help them navigate through it all.
- Listen to even the most unimportant things because someday they will need you to listen to the important things and they need to know you will be there through it all.
- Show your children that they are your world. Show them that they come first.
- Smile through it all or at least try. Our mood impacts our children’s temperament, so be conscious of the energy you are giving off.
- Be wary not just of the words we use but of the tone we speak those words in. Our children learn how to speak and what to say from example. Show them how to treat people by treating them the same way.
- Stay calm. Even in the midst of chaos, staying calm helps everyone and everything. I always say, I choose to not be the drama in my families lives. I will be the calm to their disarray.
- Always try to explain things as best you can. Instead of simply saying no you can’t do that, explain why. Remember they may be little, but they are smart, they have deep thoughts and their feelings are real. Whenever I need(ed) to discipline my girls I always explained what happened and how we can prevent it from happening again. I never simply issued a punishment we discussed the situation to try to prevent a relapse. I was never the mom who simply put my child in time-out. We did utilize time-outs, but we ALWAYS had a discussion to follow. I used time-outs as a moment to breathe and relax before talking it out.
- Give them choices. Would you like to wear the pink pajamas or the blue? Never giving them a yes or no questions eliminates a power struggle. This works even as they get older, I may ask Sophia do you want me to pick you up at 8 or 9? Instead of, when do you want me to pick you up? This enables your child to feel as though they get to have a say in what they can or cannot do. Helps give them some safe choices. Never, ask open ended questions. If you ask them a yes or no question be read to receive a “no”.
As I sit here writing this post it brings tears to my eyes because there have been so many times I have failed at these simple things. I certainly try each and every day, but honestly most days I feel as though I fall short. Those are the moments I take a deep breath and try again. I apologize more times than not, I take quiet breaks in my laundry room throughout the days (usually to say WTF under my breath or perhaps flick my tween off… HAHA). Did I just say that out loud?
In the end the best thing we can do as parents is to love our children with all our hearts. To listen to them, to cherish them and make them feel safe, loved and wanted.
Always, always, always try to stay calm. Remember our energy is felt throughout the entire family. We set the mood, so try to make it a positive one.